Since starting secondary school, my son has started learning Spanish, French and Latin. Throwing in a bit of English has meant all sorts of wild and wonderful pronunciations to liven up the conversation.
It made me realise that the language you have as a family is like any organisation. Impenetrable to the non-initiated, but quick to pick up nonetheless. Here’s a few that seem to have stuck in our household…
Filled your tweeds: usually heard as you’re passing the baby off to an unsuspecting other half. Inherited from my dad, although I am not sure how many filled tweeds he actually changed…
Green tree: somehow much more edible than broccoli.
Orange jam: apricot jam. To be confused with marmelade at your peril.
Red jam: raspberry or strawberry jam of course.
Pre-car wee: is what is says on the tin. Instigated after a very tense drive on a motorway early in our parenting career.
Rattle your dags: classic kiwi for hurry up, get a wriggle on. For those not of farming stock, this is very literally the sound dried poo (“dags”) makes when a sheep is running, if they have not been dagged (i.e. had their backsides shorn) in a while…
Yoj: quite literally the opposite of joy, and really satisfying to say especially when that joy is being sucked from the moment.
A boa constrictor: this is an 8.5 on the Richter scale of hugs, compared with a typical 4.5 squeeze!
Twilight zone: that area immediately before the front door, where there’s a high chance that things like socks, coats and shoes either disappear or take 10 reminders to successfully get on. It mostly dissipates within metres of leaving the house but, if you’re really unlucky it can follow you for a while. Refer to ‘yoj’ above.
I’m not sure that any will be making an appearance in the next reprint of the Oxford Dictionary, but an application is being submitted soon!
Tough Mother 