As one of eight kids, one of the things I noticed is we’ve all got things from growing up where we remember being hard done by.
The older ones think the younger ones were spoilt because the rules weren’t as strict. The younger ones think the older ones didn’t have to work as hard because there were more around then obviously.
Funnily enough, one of mum’s favourite sayings was you need to make sure you don’t have a chip on your shoulder. She’d also often say that equal is not always the same…
This is not obviously scientific, but it has basically led to one of my parenting principles: it’s highly likely the kids will have a chip on their shoulder about something we did or didn’t do. The question is what size it’s going to be.
I was explaining this to my daughter (13) a while back. Probably in the context of saying no to something she’d asked for.
It definitely came back to taunt me when she decided to write her ‘chip list’ down.
The first thing was that I’d given her favourite plate to a visitor. In 2019. She was 7. As was the friend visiting. Who was over from Australia.
Then it was her brother taking not one, but two, of ‘her’ yoghurts. I actually remembered this one in 2021. It resulted in no further purchases of said yoghurts – at least until he left recently for NZ.
The third one might have been more valid – I lent her (personally signed by the author which I didn’t realise was as yet unread) book to, it turns out, the same friend as I gave the plate to.
The one plus side of her getting this off her plate so to speak, was that we were able to agree these were small pebbles in her life rather than boulders.
So I’m going to take that as a win. And also remember that her memory is scarily long….
Tough Mother 